@TheDamagedDom is no more…

Posted: June 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

After months of inactivity, I began to look again at Twitter, and found that there is nothing there for me any more.

It gets a little monotonous after a while; people trying to find value in themselves by the approval of others is never going to work, and the squabbling, bitching and trolling brought about by their own insecurities is saddening.

The best way to deal with these kinds of people is to ignore them; block if necessary. I would advise anyone new to the scene to try and attend a local munch – I’ve been to a few, and generally they’re supportive of new members; many want to grow their membership, and would discourage those who would take advantage of a novice.

I have met some good people on Twitter, don’t get me wrong. But as my life is gettig busier, I would rather spend quality time with people in person, or via email, than trawl through the twitter feed to find something vaguely interesting.

Pictures? you can google for those.

Intelligent conversation? Now there’s the real challenge!




I saw this article, which although published in December 2015, has just appeared in my news feed.

It details the conclusion of a sudy across three sites in the UK that 16-18 year old girls are being coerced into “painful” sex. The article does go on to detail some of the issues that may arise from this, but also points out that the study was only conducted with teenage heterosexual couples, and so there is no information regarding coercion within homosexual relationships.

Read the rest of this entry »

Firstly, I will say that the irony of this is not lost on me. However allow me to justify why I take that position.

If you want to know about something, ask an expert.

If you want medical advice, you ask a doctor. If buying a house, you would find a surveyor to ensure the house is structurally sound, as well as a lawyer to verify the history of the house.

But in those examples, the experts are professionally qualified people in their fields. Who classes as a BDSM expert? Read the rest of this entry »

I haven’t said much on social media regarding my relationship with my submissive playmate. I don’t feel the need to share/flaunt our relationship, and I don’t require gratification or affirmation of our relationship from other people; all I needed was our time together.

Sadly, that time has come to an end. We are friends, and will continue to collaborate on a couple of projects we started, but the D/s relationship is over.

We both knew this time would come, for reasons I won’t explain. But from the outset we’d agreed on a mutual exploration of my Domination and her submission.

We tried lots of different things, some she wanted to try, others I wanted to try; always in a consensual manner – there are still things I would like to do, but were on her hard limit list.

We agreed on two safewords; one for “you’re getting close to my limit”, and the second for “FOR FUCK’S SAKE STOP!!!”. I hit the first one twice, and the second was never used; that I am pleased about. You don’t always have to be working at somebody’s limits to have a good time – just hanging a flogger over her shoulder created anticipation that seemed to light her up.

We thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company; she was intelligent, witty, thoughtful, and sexy. She got down on her knees for me in the most sincere fashion I have seen; she offered her submission, her service, her wisdom, and herself.

And for that, I am incredibly grateful. During our time together, she helped me to heal; to get over my uncertainties left over from bad relationships. I’d tried a couple of online relationships, but they didn’t work out.

My best friend (the lovely S), asked me to pass on thanks to her for getting me to a happy state again. Her response was that I had done this myself. Perhaps I did, but with her help.

I will miss our sessions, I won’t lie. But with our various pursuits (outside of work, both paid and voluntary, she is studying for a qualification, and I am currently the chairman of a small grant giving charity in the UK) the time we both had available was becoming less and less.

So what now?

I won’t be looking for a new masochist play partner just yet; I am about to change jobs in the next few weeks, and I want to see where that takes me.

But we will remain firm friends. She was the one who fixed the Damaged Dom after all.

As I contemplate attending a munch this evening, I thought I would put down a few thoughts to guide others who have never munched.

A munch is just a get together of kinky people, to talk about… well anything really. but of course, we do talk about kink, upcoming events, books, shops….

However, they tend to be in vanilla settings, e.g. coffee shops, bars, etc. And there are some very good reasons why this should be the case.

Firstly, it means it’s easier to organise a get together in a place that everyone can access (transport links etc.)

Next, anyone new to the scene can turn up and find out more, without it being initimaditing ot uncomfortable.

Also, not all people already in the scene want it to be known (e.g. by work colleagues), so discretion is key.


I’ve been to a few munches, and am a regular at one, where I do help a little with some of the organisation of events. So when respect and consideration are a key part of BDSM, I do get a little irritated when people do not respect the vanilla environment. Even where a room has been hired for the munch, the staff may not be very appreciative of any inappropriate behaviour, and ask the organisers never to frequent their premises again.

So how should you dress and behave at a munch?

Dress as though you are going out for a drink with friends (which you are). You wouldn’t go wearing your latex nurses’ uniform, or your bondage suit, or your rubber outfit down the pub, so don’t wear them at a munch. Don’t dress as though you are going out ‘on the pull’; munches are an opportunity to meet new people, but they are not a dating event.

Keep your interesting conversations discrete; don’t yell out how you love to be spanked so hard that you can see the bruises for days. Behave vanilla, and leave the power-play stuff at home (Sir does not want to be called Sir in public).

Reserve the games for play-parties, where you can satisfy your exhibitionistic desires. Even some play-parties specify that you should arrive in vanilla dress, and allow you to change on arrival at the venue (That is certainly the case with our munch’s event later this month; I have even recently read this precaution happening in a book, which the author has said that some of its events are based on real life occurances).

I can only surmise that people unable to follow these simple rules are either seeking attention, or feel they have to prove themselves.

So in short, when you go to munch, dress appropriately, not in a way that will draw attention to yourself, or to the group you are with. Be respectful and considerate of other in the group, as well as the people who just came out for a quiet drink.


I see so much on the Internet about submissives being this, that and the other. Most of it is, as we British say, complete bollocks.

What is often overlooked is the fact that being a submissive with someone means you are in a relationship, and that means not only does the submissive have to be treated with respect, but so does the Dominant. Calling him/her Sir/Mistress does not, in itself, mean respect. Read the rest of this entry »

After being on anti-depressants for over a year, I’m off them now.

I started taking them, under prescription, after I came close to ending it all; my life seemed bleak, with no prospects of improvement, and ending it seemed to be for the best for all concerned. Read the rest of this entry »