Don’t call me Sir!

Posted: October 3, 2015 in BDSM


1. a respectful or formal term of address used to a man:

No, sir.

Definition taken from


Sir is a much used, and very much abused word.

Hello sir, can I help you?


You can almost feel the word sir dripping with scorn, as the sales assistant, desperate to make his commission, tries to convince you to buy the hugely inflated priced object of their pitch, rather than the more adequate lower priced model. Or as the customer service representative tries to convince you that their long list of cock-ups we’re not typical of their usual shoddy service.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind being called ‘sir’, but as long as it is spoken as it is meant to be; as a term of respect.

I will never insist that somebody calls me ‘sir’. It is supposed to be a term of respect, and respect is earned.

It seems to be accepted practise that submissives address anyone who claims to be a Dom as ‘sir’. But I challenge that thinking.

The difference between a D/s relationship and an abusive relationship is respect. And respect is not an automatic right. If you have only just met me, how do you know if I am worthy of your respect?

So I will never insist anyone call me ‘sir’, with one notable exception: with my own sub or partner. In that situation (and only that situation) do I have the right to insist on being addressed as such. As their Dom, or their Top, the respect has already been established.

So if we’ve only just met, you can be familiar and call me Dom. I’m not so dependant on being recognised as a Dominant that I find being spoken to in an informal or familiar manner by a submissive objectionable, so Dom is just fine.



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