The height of bad manners

Posted: October 3, 2015 in Black Dog
Tags: ,

They say you shouldn’t take it personally, but when you are let down time and time again, it’s difficult not to take it personally.

A couple of months ago I was due to meet someone. We’d discussed meeting before, and she’d said she would rather wait a while before thinking about it. And then last night she had a change of heart, and wanted to meet tonight.

We arranged a venue and a time. I arrived a little late, but in the cafe there were only family and friends of the barmen. I ordered my drink, and sat, sipped, and stewed for an hour, before leaving.

I checked online regularly; she’d been online at various points during the day, but had not said she couldn’t make it. She had also been online after my mails saying I was there, but no response, and no apology. The height of rudeness.

Returning to my apartment just gave me time to dwell on all the times I’d been let down: The people who arranged something, and then said no before just before the meeting; the people who said we’ll arrange something when we’re in the vicinity, yet never did; the people who said they’d be around when they weren’t, and the plain old-fashioned no shows.

Apologies are fine, but when you’re receiving apologies time and time again it wears a little thin.

And when you have let down after let down, it becomes hard not to take it personally.

I don’t mean to whine, but why are people so inconsiderate? I’ve heard some therapists say one should say “don’t do that, it makes me feel bad”, but I don’t necessarily want to broadcast the fact I suffer from depression.

“Hi there, my name’s Dom, and I’m a depressive…”

That’s going to get me into a few beds…. not!

Depression amplifies thoughts and feelings of being alone, isolated, rejected and worthless, which circle around your head, building up until you can literally lose the will to live.

So please, the next time you have made arrangements, and can’t make it, send your sincere apologies, and make sure you make new arrangements, and be determined to keep them.

It is, after all, only good manners.

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