So, you want to go to a munch…

Posted: July 9, 2016 in BDSM, Uncategorized

As I contemplate attending a munch this evening, I thought I would put down a few thoughts to guide others who have never munched.

A munch is just a get together of kinky people, to talk about… well anything really. but of course, we do talk about kink, upcoming events, books, shops….

However, they tend to be in vanilla settings, e.g. coffee shops, bars, etc. And there are some very good reasons why this should be the case.

Firstly, it means it’s easier to organise a get together in a place that everyone can access (transport links etc.)

Next, anyone new to the scene can turn up and find out more, without it being initimaditing ot uncomfortable.

Also, not all people already in the scene want it to be known (e.g. by work colleagues), so discretion is key.


I’ve been to a few munches, and am a regular at one, where I do help a little with some of the organisation of events. So when respect and consideration are a key part of BDSM, I do get a little irritated when people do not respect the vanilla environment. Even where a room has been hired for the munch, the staff may not be very appreciative of any inappropriate behaviour, and ask the organisers never to frequent their premises again.

So how should you dress and behave at a munch?

Dress as though you are going out for a drink with friends (which you are). You wouldn’t go wearing your latex nurses’ uniform, or your bondage suit, or your rubber outfit down the pub, so don’t wear them at a munch. Don’t dress as though you are going out ‘on the pull’; munches are an opportunity to meet new people, but they are not a dating event.

Keep your interesting conversations discrete; don’t yell out how you love to be spanked so hard that you can see the bruises for days. Behave vanilla, and leave the power-play stuff at home (Sir does not want to be called Sir in public).

Reserve the games for play-parties, where you can satisfy your exhibitionistic desires. Even some play-parties specify that you should arrive in vanilla dress, and allow you to change on arrival at the venue (That is certainly the case with our munch’s event later this month; I have even recently read this precaution happening in a book, which the author has said that some of its events are based on real life occurances).

I can only surmise that people unable to follow these simple rules are either seeking attention, or feel they have to prove themselves.

So in short, when you go to munch, dress appropriately, not in a way that will draw attention to yourself, or to the group you are with. Be respectful and considerate of other in the group, as well as the people who just came out for a quiet drink.

  1. As someone who used to be active in the management of a monthly munch, I just want to second everything you’ve said. It’s hard to keep a venue when folks show up dressed in ways that scare regular patrons of the eatery. This is a laid back social event, designed to be non-assuming and non-threatening in every way. High protocol is not on the menu. What is? Cheese sticks. 🙂 Conversations. Making friends. Learning about different groups you might want to join. Laughter. This is what you should expect. Not leather. Not “get on your knees” (and please don’t.) hehe

    Nice post, Sir. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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