Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

@TheDamagedDom is no more…

Posted: June 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

After months of inactivity, I began to look again at Twitter, and found that there is nothing there for me any more.

It gets a little monotonous after a while; people trying to find value in themselves by the approval of others is never going to work, and the squabbling, bitching and trolling brought about by their own insecurities is saddening.

The best way to deal with these kinds of people is to ignore them; block if necessary. I would advise anyone new to the scene to try and attend a local munch – I’ve been to a few, and generally they’re supportive of new members; many want to grow their membership, and would discourage those who would take advantage of a novice.

I have met some good people on Twitter, don’t get me wrong. But as my life is gettig busier, I would rather spend quality time with people in person, or via email, than trawl through the twitter feed to find something vaguely interesting.

Pictures? you can google for those.

Intelligent conversation? Now there’s the real challenge!




As I contemplate attending a munch this evening, I thought I would put down a few thoughts to guide others who have never munched.

A munch is just a get together of kinky people, to talk about… well anything really. but of course, we do talk about kink, upcoming events, books, shops….

However, they tend to be in vanilla settings, e.g. coffee shops, bars, etc. And there are some very good reasons why this should be the case.

Firstly, it means it’s easier to organise a get together in a place that everyone can access (transport links etc.)

Next, anyone new to the scene can turn up and find out more, without it being initimaditing ot uncomfortable.

Also, not all people already in the scene want it to be known (e.g. by work colleagues), so discretion is key.


I’ve been to a few munches, and am a regular at one, where I do help a little with some of the organisation of events. So when respect and consideration are a key part of BDSM, I do get a little irritated when people do not respect the vanilla environment. Even where a room has been hired for the munch, the staff may not be very appreciative of any inappropriate behaviour, and ask the organisers never to frequent their premises again.

So how should you dress and behave at a munch?

Dress as though you are going out for a drink with friends (which you are). You wouldn’t go wearing your latex nurses’ uniform, or your bondage suit, or your rubber outfit down the pub, so don’t wear them at a munch. Don’t dress as though you are going out ‘on the pull’; munches are an opportunity to meet new people, but they are not a dating event.

Keep your interesting conversations discrete; don’t yell out how you love to be spanked so hard that you can see the bruises for days. Behave vanilla, and leave the power-play stuff at home (Sir does not want to be called Sir in public).

Reserve the games for play-parties, where you can satisfy your exhibitionistic desires. Even some play-parties specify that you should arrive in vanilla dress, and allow you to change on arrival at the venue (That is certainly the case with our munch’s event later this month; I have even recently read this precaution happening in a book, which the author has said that some of its events are based on real life occurances).

I can only surmise that people unable to follow these simple rules are either seeking attention, or feel they have to prove themselves.

So in short, when you go to munch, dress appropriately, not in a way that will draw attention to yourself, or to the group you are with. Be respectful and considerate of other in the group, as well as the people who just came out for a quiet drink.


I see so much on the Internet about submissives being this, that and the other. Most of it is, as we British say, complete bollocks.

What is often overlooked is the fact that being a submissive with someone means you are in a relationship, and that means not only does the submissive have to be treated with respect, but so does the Dominant. Calling him/her Sir/Mistress does not, in itself, mean respect. (more…)